You are whole complete and perfect as you are.

  • By Paramananda Ponnaiyan
  • 05 Jul, 2020
You are whole complete and perfect as you are.

Many of us go through life, trying to fix our faults or those of others. We live in the misconception that we are not good enough and a drive to get better. Is this the best way to live ?

Kintsugi

In Japan, when a pot breaks, it is not simply thrown away. In fact, its pieces are collected and bound back together with Gold mixed cement. Instead of trying to conceal the cracks they are ornamented for display. This is done to signify that the pot has become more valuable after its breakage.

The same is true for human beings. The failures and heart breaks we experience are all precious because they have made us who we are. You are the product of your life. No other person in any other shape or form could have lived your life. And so it follows that you are whole, complete and perfect.

What about my flaws ?

Flaws are things that you do. Yes you should try not to do them if you feel you dont want to do them, but to say that you are flawed because of that is incorrect and harmful.

Another aspect of flaws, is that, maybe, its not your action that is the problem, maybe you are in the wrong environment ? The classic square peg in a round hole problem. Why do you default to thinking its you ?

Just as trying to get a Washing Machine to work as a Toaster is a recipe for pain and frustration. In the same way, changing people is hard and nigh on impossible. Accept people as they are. Encourage them to change if they wish to but remember that it must be their choice.

What if I Want to Change ?

Changing behaviour ultimately is reorganizing pathways in the brain. This takes time and needs regular reinforcement. You will not get that regular reinforcement if your mind is agitated by thoughts of the past. The first step in change, then, is to be at peace with the past or who you are right now.

Constantly remind yourself that the decisions you made were the best you could make given the situation and your understanding at that time. Also be OK with the current situation. There is nothing wrong with it. There are better situations to be in, but thats true of any situation.

Now reframe your desire to change as a Wish rather than a necessity. Instead of nature forcing you to make this change, you are choosing how you want to be in the future. It is important that it needs to be your choice.

With this base, you are ready to make plans and execute.

TL;DR

You are the product of your life and as such you are whole complete and perfect. In order to change your behaviour, you need to begin by making peace with the current situation. After that make plans and execute.